East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
