Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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