The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You dont lie about slip and slides
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
