it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
