I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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