we're blogging at a bar
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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