If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
