Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dicks are not precious.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
