So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
