All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
