im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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