did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
