Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
