Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
4 words: hood of his car
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
