Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
