Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
