dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
