they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
