Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
