I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
