dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
