Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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