I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
