He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
And then he peed in my hair
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