look no pants
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
