Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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