Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
