I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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