I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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