i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
