My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
