Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
