Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
