I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
