omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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