he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
