I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
