We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
