Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
