words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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