I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
