We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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