New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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