from now on my penis is your penis
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
