I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
two words...techno handjob
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize