how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize