Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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