my phone needs a breathalizer
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
this will be a night to untag.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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