Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
