would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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