Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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