If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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