it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
