apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
