is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
