Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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