Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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