So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
