I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
