I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
