so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
