woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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