does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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