Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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