I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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