This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
