WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
