Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
