the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
