Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
