i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
