Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
