Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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