I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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