In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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