State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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