What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
