the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
