WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
