if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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