You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
