She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
