her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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