please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
