Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i will never coherently bang her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
