I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The adults are the big ones right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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