He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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